The fourth beat;
I know it’s coming, and I calm myself.
The body is still in shock, but my mind is settled in its own.
As I lay back in my bed, I know now that it is too late to bargain.
Death’s machination; It has already begun.
Instead, I quickly pray for my last thought, to be a good one.
Although, my current thought feels persistent in the back of my mind
Clinging on, as though it will not leave me.
And that thought; I simply do not want to go.
The third beat;
The light begins to darken at the edges of my eyes, and my ears betray my balance.
If I were not sitting down, surely I would have fallen.
My head slowly falls back onto my pillow. Its final resting place.
I look at the pattern on the roof, the cracks and the fissures.
Straining my eyes I try, to fully capture one final picture.
One final still frame, called a moment. A memory.
My head falls to the side; and I see my condensation encrusted beer on my bedside table.
Amber leaves out the window, falling in the wind.
Sunlight always finds a way.
The second beat;
Closed eyes. It goes on, doesn’t it? Life. Whether I am here, or not, it continues.
Leaves will continue falling.
Sunlight will continue to brighten.
Beer will continue to sweeten the lips of lovers.
And it could not end, for nothing ever has. Every end must surely be a beginning.
Every bad time came to a close, every good time did not last.
Even now, my final thoughts do not belong to the same person in which in this body was born.
Not one single part of me has been the same. I was someone different all through my life.
And so in many ways, so many of me never did die. Or perhaps they already have.
The final beat;
I do not want to go. I do not fear nothing, for nothing has never existed.
I have never understood. And as I reflect, my life seems iridescent.
The humbling of I being one of many; and yet the grandiosity of knowing
That the universe in all its grandeur, existed within the circumference of my eye.
And while my final thoughts are of understanding, acceptance, friends, family and cold beer.
I cannot help think, as the light comes down low.
I simply do not want to go.